Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Pigs at Ambury Farm

Jordan went to Ambury Farm. He liked the pigs so he wrote about them.
After he wrote his draft he worked hard with the teacher to make his sentences even more interesting.


At Ambury farm the pig had a hairy back and the piglets had a curly tail. The pig had a dusty back. The piglets were greedy.


At Ambury Farm I saw a sleeping pig with a hairy, pink back. It was standing up sleeping and it had a dusty back. About six piglets with curly tails were playing on the mud. They were greedy because they were trying to get the dusty pigs milk.


Nikita wrote a short introduction about school assembly. She looked closely at her draft writing and then worked hard with the teacher to make her introduction more detailed and interesting for the reader.


This morning we had a assembly in the school hall. Then the whole school went there too.
There were lots of characters in the hall.


This summer morning the whole school had Assembly in the Hall. All the children sat on the floor. The teachers sat on the seats by the side of the wall and some parents sat on the back seats. Mr Burt and his helpers were at the front with the guitar and the stickers.

The Leaf

Mikaiah wrote about a leaf he found out on the grass. He and the teacher looked at his writing to see how he could make it more interesting by using different kinds of sentences and sentence beginnings.
Read the work below and see how he made his writing better.

Draft :
My leaf has holes on the right side. It looks goldish also greenish too. It has a bit of yellow on the stem. It looks brown too. It has cuts too.

Re-crafted :
I held my goldish and greenish leaf by the short stem. On the stem there were yellow and brown stripes. Two little black holes and a deep cut spoilt the leaf's smooth right side.