Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Leaf

Mikaiah wrote about a leaf he found out on the grass. He and the teacher looked at his writing to see how he could make it more interesting by using different kinds of sentences and sentence beginnings.
Read the work below and see how he made his writing better.

Draft :
My leaf has holes on the right side. It looks goldish also greenish too. It has a bit of yellow on the stem. It looks brown too. It has cuts too.

Re-crafted :
I held my goldish and greenish leaf by the short stem. On the stem there were yellow and brown stripes. Two little black holes and a deep cut spoilt the leaf's smooth right side.


  1. In my draft writing I started 4 sentences with the same word 'it'. My new story had different words to start the sentences. It did make it more interesting.

    By Mikaiah

  2. Dear Mikaiah,

    I like your story about the leaf. I know what it looks like because it is horrible with two black holes and a cut.

    From Nikita.

  3. Hi Mikaiah, I do like the way you described the leaf in your recrafted story. I can imagine what it looked like now. Well done. Mrs Burt