In her classroom Josephine wrote a paragraph about some goggles she found at the baths. Her goal is to use words and sentences that make her work interesting and easily understood by the reader. She worked hard with the teacher to improve her writing by recrafting and proof reading it. See her draft and her recrafted writing below. Great work Josephine
Draft:
the goggles looked like real glasses . the swimming goggles is a colour of white and blue and it has a diamond. the goggles can protect your eyes the goggles can let you see in the water.
its making sure that you dont get sore eyes. the eye piece is the shape of an oval. the goggles is hanged up on the board.
Recrafted:
The goggles looked like real glasses. They were white and blue and had a diamond right in the middle. When you wore the glasses they let you see in the water and they protected your eyes. The eye piece was shaped like an oval. They hung up on the board.
Dear Josephine,
ReplyDeleteWell done. You have recrafted and proof read your story really well. Goggles are very handy things to have when you go to the baths. I don't like getting itchy eyes from the water. As you said in your paragraph, goggles prevent that.
Love from Mrs Jarman
I liked my story because I had a lot of important details about the goggles. It made sense and was a paragraph.
ReplyDeleteBy Josephine.
Dear Josephine,
ReplyDeleteI had some borrowed goggles once. They were blue and white and black. It was hard to see when I had them on in the pool.
From Mikaiah