Volcanic Ash

Mikaiah has been learning how to write a good paragraph. the first sentence usually has the main ideas. The second sentence adds detail and ideas to the first sentence. The third sentence adds more details and ideas to the second sentence. Read his great paragraph about the volcanic ash.

The volcanic ash is on the cars. Can you imagine what would happen if the ash was exploding out of the volcano. If volcanic ash was pouring all over you it would be hot and dangerous.

The Goggles

In her classroom Josephine wrote a paragraph about some goggles she found at the baths. Her goal is to use words and sentences that make her work interesting and easily understood by the reader. She worked hard with the teacher to improve her writing by recrafting and proof reading it. See her draft and her recrafted writing below. Great work Josephine

Draft:
the goggles looked like real glasses . the swimming goggles is a colour of white and blue and it has a diamond. the goggles can protect your eyes the goggles can let you see in the water.
its making sure that you dont get sore eyes. the eye piece is the shape of an oval. the goggles is hanged up on the board.

Recrafted:

The goggles looked like real glasses. They were white and blue and had a diamond right in the middle. When you wore the glasses they let you see in the water and they protected your eyes. The eye piece was shaped like an oval. They hung up on the board.

The Pigs at Ambury Farm

Jordan went to Ambury Farm. He liked the pigs so he wrote about them.
After he wrote his draft he worked hard with the teacher to make his sentences even more interesting.

Draft:

At Ambury farm the pig had a hairy back and the piglets had a curly tail. The pig had a dusty back. The piglets were greedy.

Re-crafted:

At Ambury Farm I saw a sleeping pig with a hairy, pink back. It was standing up sleeping and it had a dusty back. About six piglets with curly tails were playing on the mud. They were greedy because they were trying to get the dusty pigs milk.

Assembly

Nikita wrote a short introduction about school assembly. She looked closely at her draft writing and then worked hard with the teacher to make her introduction more detailed and interesting for the reader.

Draft:

This morning we had a assembly in the school hall. Then the whole school went there too.
There were lots of characters in the hall.

Re-crafted:

This summer morning the whole school had Assembly in the Hall. All the children sat on the floor. The teachers sat on the seats by the side of the wall and some parents sat on the back seats. Mr Burt and his helpers were at the front with the guitar and the stickers.

The Leaf

Mikaiah wrote about a leaf he found out on the grass. He and the teacher looked at his writing to see how he could make it more interesting by using different kinds of sentences and sentence beginnings.
Read the work below and see how he made his writing better.

Draft :
My leaf has holes on the right side. It looks goldish also greenish too. It has a bit of yellow on the stem. It looks brown too. It has cuts too.

Re-crafted :
I held my goldish and greenish leaf by the short stem. On the stem there were yellow and brown stripes. Two little black holes and a deep cut spoilt the leaf's smooth right side.

At the Picnic

While at the school picnic Nikki had lots of
fun on the beach discovering all sorts of
interesting objects.

Morning Fitness

Every morning Lee and his class have fitness.
They do a variety of different activities to make
them fresh and alert for the rest of the day.

Welcome Back

The Going Places Bloggers are jumping for joy because they are so happy to be at school in term 1.